What The Fuck Are THETRUMPFILES?
🥸 Encyclopedia meets Comedy Central meets Crime Scene Tape
Welcome to The Trump Files, a database for everyone who suspects the recent history of American democracy feels less like a government and more like an absurdist reality show, an open-mic comedy roast, and a four-alarm crime blotter all at once.
This isn't your grandpa's presidential archive—unless your grandpa is into tracking every time one guy suggests nuking hurricanes, drinking bleach, or pardoning someone in exchange for hotel bookings.
What The Fuck Is All This?
The Trump Files is the internet's most comprehensive, absurd, darkly hilarious, and [painfully] accurate attempt to document the nearly unfathomable era that is "life with Donald Trump."
Over 40 years, this walking SNL sketch (with nuclear codes!) has stunned, trolled, and conned society while amassing scandals at a pace that would make Machiavelli sweat.
Why?
Because each new week brings so much chaos, we'd forget the coup attempt by Wednesday if we didn't keep historical receipts! This archive exists to say: YES, it was that bad—and here's 778 cited, timestamped, tagged, AI-rated records to prove it.
Project Vision: Break The Cycle of Amnesia
The Ledger
No "it wasn't that bad" or "I don't recall" gaslighting. This is the receipts. The ledger. The failed grifts and the dangerous tantrums. Time-stamped. Source-linked. Scored.
The Science
This isn't a list, it's an AI-multimodal, semantically linked, pattern-extracted, SQL-embeddable, neural-network-scorable relational archive. (Translation: even machines can spot the bullshit now.)
The Comedy
If you don't laugh at "windmill cancer," "rake the forests," and "drink bleach" you'll cry. Jokes are mandatory because the subject matter is, at times, comically bleak.
Methodology: The Data Pipeline from Hell
Multimodal AI Agents & Human Sadness
- Source Network: Scrape everything—major news, obscure footnotes, the Trump Twitter Archive, Truth Social posts, DOJ dockets, PolitiFact, social media, Congressional hearings, even that one weird uncle's Facebook rant.
- Validation: At least two independent sources or a primary doc. No, Truth Social alone is not a source.
- Significance Filter: If it's not verifiably nuts, dangerous, or a pattern escalator, it doesn't make the cut. No trivia. Only platinum-graded "can't-believe-this-actually-happened" bits.
- AI Scoring: Each entry rated by AI agents across 8 dimensions (danger, insanity, absurdity, lawlessness, authoritarianism, lying, recency intensity, impact scope) with human "are you kidding me?" review as backup.
🧠 Core Personality Pie Chart
| Trait | % |
|---|---|
| Narcissism | 35 |
| Grift | 25 |
| Racism | 15 |
| Compulsive Lying | 15 |
| Spray Tan | 10 |
📈 Analytics, Visualizations, and Custom Insights
- Timeline Heatmaps: Watch severity spikes and comedy gold clusters across years.
- Cluster Maps: See which scandals flock together (spoiler: "election interference" and "pardons" are BFFs).
- Language Evolution: Track "dog whistle" to "megaphone" in racist rhetoric.
- Network Graphs: Uncover secret connections between cronies, grifters and coups.
- AI-Generated Scores: Instantly see which moment was the peak "danger-stupid" intersection.
- Impact Grid: Watch the dominoes fall as one scandal leads to another.
What Does This Teach Us?
Escalation is Real
There's a chartable arc from "random New York grifter" to "openly courts fascism."
Chaos is a Strategy
Overwhelm is not the bug, it's the feature.
Documentation IS Resistance
Normalization is the enemy—comedy and memory are the cure.
Impunity Breeds Boldness
Every "get away with it" leads to something worse (and funnier/sadder).
Our Goal
Democracy dies in darkness—but fascism thrives in mass amnesia and "lol nothing matters" culture. The Trump Files exists so when the grandkids ask "what happened, were you all high?" you can actually show them, with a chart, a meme, and a SQL query.
What Can You Do?
- Semantic search: Find "every time Trump abused a pardon."
- Sort: By composite score, by era, by "which scandal was dumbest, but most dangerous."
- Filter: Narrow by year, severity, lawlessness, or "times he almost burned the place down."
- Community Voting: Soon, users can up/downvote severity scores, flag missed connections, or submit sources ("No, injecting light was not medical advice!").
WTF is Next?
Public API for nerds and researchers.
Live dashboards and meme timelines.
Crowdsourced ratings (because who's more critical than a news junkie with ADHD?)
Chatbot for receipts: "Hey, did Trump actually tell people to nuke hurricanes?" Yup. Here's the receipt.
If You Made It This Far...
Thank you. You're just as much part of the resistance to normalization as the poor AI and human souls who built this database. Enjoy the ride, laugh through the pain, and remember: if we don't record it, they'll say it never happened.